To celebrate Father’s Day on Sunday 21st June, thortful.com reveals the top ten cringiest dad jokes – as voted for by the nation. thortful tasked the UK to submit their cheesiest dad one-liners and vote for the joke they believe to be the most cringeworthy.  

Having analysed the entries and votes, thortful can reveal that the corniest dad pun of all, as voted for by the nation, is (queue the cringe) … “My wife says I never listen. Funny way to start a conversation if you ask me.”

THESE are the nation’s corniest dad jokes

·         thortful reveals the UK’s cheesiest dad jokes to celebrate Father’s Day

·         “My wife says I never listen, funny way to start a conversation if you ask me” voted as the number one pun 

·         Other cringey one liners include “My son asked me to stop singing Oasis songs in public, I said maybe” and “I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… She gave me a hug”

Everyone loves a dad joke, don’t they? To celebrate Father’s Day on Sunday 21st June, thortful.com reveals the top ten cringiest dad jokes – as voted for by the nation.

thortful tasked the UK to submit their cheesiest dad one-liners and vote for the joke they believe to be the most cringeworthy.  

Having analysed the entries and votes, thortful can reveal that the corniest dad pun of all, as voted for by the nation, is (queue the cringe) … “My wife says I never listen. Funny way to start a conversation if you ask me.”

The top ten dad jokes are as followed:

1.     My wife says I never listen. Funny way to start a conversation if you ask me

2.     My son asked me to stop singing Oasis songs in public. I said maybe

3.     “My wife is furious that our next-door neighbour has started sunbathing nude in her garden. Personally, I’m on the fence.”

4.    When the wife finds out I have replaced our bed with a trampoline… she’s going to hit the roof.

5.     My wife said i never buy her flowers. I didn’t even know she sold flowers.

6.    I went for an interview. They said, “Can you perform under pressure?” I said “I’m not sure about that but I can have a good crack at Bohemian Rhapsody”

7.     “My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer.”

8.    I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… She gave me a hug.

9.    Today, my son asked, “Can I have a book mark?” and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is John.

10.   Been out washing the car with my son. He said Dad why don’t you use a sponge like the other dads?

Jokes that didn’t make the top ten include ‘Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!’, ‘Where do average things get made…..the satisfactory’ and ‘What do you call a Welsh singer who never gets lost? Tomtom Jones.’

To see all of the dad joke submissions, view the index at: https://www.thortful.com/fathers-best-jokes

Courtney says…

Keys found on path next to Waterfront Apartments. If they are yours, please email GranthamMatters@gmail.com with what is written on the black key fob and we will forward it.

In a message to SKDC council leader Kelham Cooke and officer Paul Stokes, coun Charmaine Morgan says….

In view of the dreadful news United Lincolnshire Hospital Trust is to close Grantham A&E and replace it with an Urgent Treatment Centre with no capacity for delivering patient resuscitation or stabilisation can you advise what progress has been made on rolling out defibrillators across Grantham?

Whilst I appreciate Covid19 has interrupted rollout, especially where the agreement of third parties is required, this is not true for all sites. 
A number are owned by SKDC. It is vital we complete the rollout of defibrillators across Grantham where this is possible.

Please list those sites where installation is now completed and time frame for others fully under skdcs remit. Now lockdown has been relaxed and businesses are opening it may be possible to complete installation of all sites sooner rather than later. 

It is currently a risk areas with high density populations currently are without defibrillators 24/7.

Roland Lawrence has acquired a grasscutter made by Richard Hornsby & Sons of Grantham in the 1800s and is keen to restore it to its original condition.

He got in touch with Grantham Matters as we featured the restoration of a similar machine by John Llewellyn and thought he could help.

Roland said: “He came up with some interesting and useful information.

“I do think his Hornsby looks like an  identical model to mine – both of them have “No 10”, on the main casting near the name “Hornsby Grantham England”. 

“So far as I am aware mine is pretty complete apart fom the original seat, and the jockey wheels his has at each end of the cutter bar.  I imagine I may be able to track down something that would serve the purpose. 

“I have the cutter bar (which I removed about 25 years ago for safety reasons when I also applied the red Hammerite paint to the cutter arm, but never progressed further).

“Everything amazingly still moves and turns on mine, and the only thing broken so far as I can see, apart from the rotten draw bar, is the bottom rivet on one of the long handles/levers. 

” John’s grass cutter looks so good that I believe he has inspired me to try to get on with my paint-job “restoration”, but I don’t plan to strip it all down, just replace the draw bar, refit the cutter bar and repair the broken rivet, plus mend up the rather wormy grass board, and replace the mssing part of the cutter arm safety chain.  Then paint it up.  

“I am very tempted to follow John’s paint colour scheme in general, with red, cream and black Hammerite paint, particularly as the only bit of original paint I have found is a little bit of red in a hidden corner, and am I just imagining white/cream on one wheel?  

“I know it is quite fashionable to leave old machinery in its rusty state, but I personally prefer a painted look, and I think it may help preserve it for the next 100 year sor more.

“Let’s hope I am not distracted completely on to other tasks, as hopefully we move out of lockdown!”

Alana asks….

Does anyone know which charity shops have reopened today and which are accepting donations please?

Coun Charmaine Morgan says…

There has been a huge level of concern raised by plans for Grantham & District Hospital announced by United Lincolnshire Hospital Trust.

Despite years of campaigning and lobbying by our elected representatives it remains a fact that unless the 2012 Health and Care Act is repealed the local NHS bodies have virtually total control over the decisions they make regarding our health care.

Elected representatives have virtually no say. Given so much power the degradation of our hospital services over the last decade prove they cannot be trusted to serve our community’s best interest. 

If our council and MPs are serious about the fate of our hospital they must call for the Act, introduced by Jeremy Hunt, when he was Health Minister to be repealed. Nothing less will do.

There is a petition currently available online which I urge all dependent on our local A&E and NHS services to sign.

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/300019. 

Coun Charmaine Morgan says

At a meeting of SKDC’s Finance, Economic Development and Corporate Services Overview and Scrutiny Committee 26 May 2020, members of the committee were presented with an up to date financial statement drafted by the District Lead Finance Officer and presented by Cllr Adam Stokes.

Cllr Charmaine Morgan, Labour Group Leader and Committee member said: ‘The Year to Date report raised a number of concerns. In particular we noted that there is a shortfall in funding relating to Covid 19.

‘The council has not received from the Government sufficient funds to cover the full cost of the Covid 19 epidemic. There is an estimated shortfall of £3.5m to date.

‘As a result there is a worrying deficit building in cash flow that will hit crunch time in November / December when the council’s budget for the financial year will be spent.

‘ Fortunately we established that SKDC has reserves invested in areas that can be readily accessed if necessary. However once the reserves are spent that is it.’

Cllr Adam Stokes was asked to comment. He advised that £2.8m had been set aside as an emergency fund at the beginning of the crisis. He has written to Communities Minister RT. Hon. Robert Jenrick MP asking for more funding. So far of £3.2bn awarded to local authorities SKDC had received two payments, the first for £64k, the second for £1.4m. This is to cover both additional costs and loss of revenue. 

Mrs Morgan said afterwards: ‘I noted there was an assumption that things should return to normal in July and at worst in September but there is no guarantee of this. SKDC is having to take things day by day.

‘One of the costs to stand out was the £15k spent on B&B accommodation. Early estimates put the number of homeless in our District at a handful. I have always been sceptical of this figure.

‘As people reliant on sofa surfing lost their accommodation due to distancing rules, the actual figure of across the District was much higher. So far the cost of 346 in B&B accommodation had been met by SKDC. A further £48k has been spent on PPE for key staff and £37k spent on modifications to property.

A key message is that the Government must fully meet its obligations if the ‘District is to continue delivering much needed services. Whilst some businesses have benefitted from Government grants there remain many who have fallen through the gaps including the self employed and small limited companies renting sites from landlords. The council has received a descretionary fund to help some of those in need. Details of the scheme are to be published. 

‘A further sum of £924k has been awarded to help those struggling to pay their Council Tax. A shocking reflection of how Covid19 has had a devastating impact on some household finances, this is expected to increase tenfold later this year. In April there was a 68% increase in contacts to the Benefits team. 

‘It was also concerning to note that some of the most popular areas of responsibility of the council, the leisure centres and Arts have been hardest hit with income loss. A claim from subcontractors running the leisure centre is anticipated. To date there has been little information from the Government regarding funding for the Arts. 

‘Large Capital Schemes have been delayed and finances remodelled including St Martins Park, Stamford, the leisure investment programme, Historic Action Zone Future High Street initiative and new homes building programme. 

‘As a result of the report I called for a Risk Assessment to be completed.  This was echoed by a number of committee members.  It was agreed the Committee must meet more frequently than originally planned to keep a track of the situation in these extraordinary times.’

Maz Stringer says…

There are now a few groups that have begun painting rocks / pebbles and hiding them around Grantham.

I wonder how many everyone can find, photo, and rehide in order to bring a smile to another person. It would be great if you could post the photo to the relevant Facebook group so we can watch the painted rocks travel.Or perhaps there are others who wish to help us spread even more smiles by decorating their own rocks and hiding them around the town. Just don’t forget to write on the back which group you want your rock posted to so you can see it travel too!

Always check the back of the rock to find the group so the members can see their rocks travel.

Let’s try and cover the town with smiles to help bring as much joy and happiness we can during these strange and difficult times.

It’s a wonderful hobby and has even managed to get people (particularly children) who have been anxious about being outside for various reasons to enjoy going out to hide and hunt for rocks.

Blessing rocks was started by 3 teenagers wanting to spread some joy to others. These rocks can travel far and wide. Please join the group by following this link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/374034616547608/

Barrowby village lockdown rockdown was started for the village children. All rocks that state barrowby on them must stay in the village any others can travel. Please join the group by following this link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/993502554478191/

Gonerby lockdown rockdown was started for the children of the village. All rocks that state gonerby on them must stay in the village or GHF area any others can travel. To join the group please follow this link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/244579339972677/

Grantham rocks was started a while ago and continues to bring joy. These rocks can travel far and wide. To join the group please follow this link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/917588975046563/

Lincolnshire BP rocks: was started by 7th grantham scout group. These rocks were created by the scouts and their leaders and these rocks can travel far and wide. To join the group follow this link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/561971547590752/

Abby Hill asks….

I am looking for information on my grandfather’s birth parents.

He was fostered and never knew either of them. He was born at the workhouse in Grantham in 1941 and his birth certificate gives his mother’s name as ‘Ruth Woods’

However I have been unable to find any record of her.

On his birth certificate, she put her address as 35 New Street, Grantham – however she is not registered as living there in the 1939 register.

My grandad was brought up by his foster mum at 24 New Street yet, as far as we are aware, never met her. I feel my last hope at finding out what happened is dependent on if anyone knew her or has heard of her.

Also on the birth certificate she put she was employed at the ‘munitions factory’ – I believe this is BMARCo? As my grandad grew up he was always told he looked just like his ‘dad’ – who was rumoured to be the owner of this factory: William Denis Kendall. 

I am aware these may just be rumours but the resemblance is striking.

 I am really hoping someone knows something that may help.

Anyone with information can email GranthamMatters@gmail.com and we will forward it to Abby

Anon says….

How are people who can’t drive or afford a bus or train or taxis to get to see there loved one or get home single parents elderly from these other hospitals not everyone can drive or have some to rely on to take them or pick them up?

Coun Charmaine Morgan says…

ULHT have presented plans for Grantham Hospital which they argue are a temporary measure, to be regularly reviewed. Due to the Covid 19 situation their plans can be legally implemented without public consultation.

Whilst they reflect a national crisis building as Hospital Trusts across the country face an increasing backlog in elective surgery including Cancer treatment due to Covid 19 the plans will result in the biggest changes Grantham Hospital has seen. 

ULHT are proposing to make Grantham a ‘green site’ which would see an increase in planned or elective surgery at the site. This would include cancer treatment. The use of the 4 theatres, currently unused, is welcome although patients across the county would be treated here increasing the need for patients and visitors to undertake long journeys.

The Trust anticipate 2335 patients from Lincoln & Pilgrim Hospitals will join 1223 patients from Grantham. An additional 1932 Chemotherapy Day Cases will move from Lincoln and Boston to Grantham joining 80 Grantham patients. 

Under ULHT plans however the increase in elective surgery comes at a staggering cost to the local critical care wards and emergency care provided now at Grantham & District Hospital A&E serving our community. The report states ‘Grantham Hospital would not admit any medical emergency or elective medical patients, there would be no medical inpatients on the Grantham site’. It is estimated that 4611 A&E patients will be displaced out of 24, 617 visitors to Grantham A&E. ULHT anticipate nearly 3000 patients will have to travel as far as Peterborough with over 1000 going to Lincoln. This is little consolation considering the pre Covid 19 wait times were staggeringly high at both hospitals. 

ULHT are proposing to replace the A&E unit, which (though open only in the Day and early evening now) currently provides life saving urgent care. Foi evidence shows the site, (despite former claims by ULHT board members) , has the ability to handle nearly every type of medical emergency, and crucially, where time is of the essence, life saving patient stabilisation and resuscitation. 

GDH is at least 45 minutes blue light ambulance journey away from the next nearest A&E unit. Furthermore, the Trusts own Equality Impact Analysis high lights the negative impact the loss of local A&E care will have on the most vulnerable in the 120,000 strong community living in and around Grantham. 

The loss of the Medical Wards, mainly supporting the most vulnerable elderly residents with complex conditions,that require specialist care is a further bitter blow. Over 1100 patients will be relocated to Lincoln. This will cause significant issues for visitors, especially those without access to transport or on a low income. Winter travel between Grantham and Lincoln can be treacherous with ice, snow and fog on poor roads with poor visibility from 4pm.

The most vulnerable people will be required to transfer to other hospitals. An estimated further 847 patients will be affected. Already 854 patients were transferred last year. Furthermore there will be long term ramifications around staff. 

The report indicates there are already issues with staffing at Boston and Lincoln. We know, from previous work, Grantham has a number of consultants who are agency staff.

Whilst ULHT report it is keen to reduce its reliance on agency staff we could be losing valuable skills. Once key staff have been forced to relocate to Lincoln or Boston as planned there is no guarantee they will stay with ULHT, or that they will return to Grantham. Although ULHT state the situation will be reviewed quarterly, nationally NHS representatives are stating it could take years to catch up on elective surgery backlog. 

Cllr Charmaine Morgan, Chair SoS Grantham Hospital said ‘
During a recent public consultation over 25,000 online signatures were presented by SOS Grantham Hospital to local health authorities. The report included personal accounts of how Grantham A&E has saved local lives. The 24/7 Urgent Treatment Centre they are offering does not replace an A&E unit. 

It is with bitter irony I read ULHTs latest proposals. Having only recently drafted a motion to full council calling for the Trust to restore the services which they have removed over the last decade. Instead, they appear to be using Covid 19 as an excuse to fulfill the plans former medical directors laid out 5 years ago. Further more ULHT was under pressure from NHSI to reduce the number of A&E units in our county. 
These proposals also include losing our important antenatal clinic and scanning facilities, putting mums and babies further at risk, having already lost our maternity unit. 
We have to ask if the retention of the agency consultants would have meant both elective surgery and critical care could be provided at GDH as was once the case. 
There is reference to a review of inpatient transport to support plans. I called for a regular 24/7 inter-hospital service when the Trust closed our A&E at night. We didn’t get it. 
They said the night closure was a temporary measure. Nearly 4 years later it is still closed and the Trust reneged on an opportunity to reopen it when they had the chance. 
We called for a restoration of a 24/7 A&E unit. Latest proposals are for a 24/7 Urgent Treatment Centre. At least we gained longer opening hours though the most sick patients will be at more risk 24/7 when these plans go ahead. 

Outpatients will also be required to travel elsewhere for example for diabetes, cardiology, endocrinology, fracture follow up, family health, community paediatrics (Kingfisher Unit), Therapies and Rehab. 
Local campaigners must be forgiven if we are cynical about the latest proposals. The need for more elective surgery is widely recognised but it seems we are robbing Peter to pay Paul. Staff, patients and their visitors will be travelling back and forth on some of the worst routes in the country. 

This represents one of the biggest changes our hospital has seen. 
As ever it feels like we have been robbed again. 

Whilst these changes are not set in concrete the Trust have virtually total autonomy over what services they provide. As I told Gareth Davis MP when we met, unless Jeremy Hunt’s 2012 Health & Care Act is repealed, that will remain the case. 

Blessed Hugh More School SKDC Proposal for 65 new homes.

Phil Gadd says…

Whilst I understand & agree the requirements for more housing, I question the methods employed at this time by SKDC in using an ‘online’ consultation only.

SKDC have raised a consultation timetable for comments which all relates to an ‘online’ consultation.

A local campaign group has been formulated to inform the local community who may still be unaware of the proposals or its impact on them. However, due to the current Covid 19 restrictions they cannot meet as a group to discuss the proposals.  This has made any group discussions, transfer of information or ability to organise a petition impossible. They cannot go door to door and discuss,  cannot raise a petition due to Covid 19 transfer issues, cannot ensure that everyone impacted by the proposal is aware.

Blessed Hugh More School was closed in 1989. The buildings were demolished and the Rosetti Court Development took place on the footprint of the old school. Lincolnshire County Council retained the site. In 1997 SKDC & LCC did a transfer of land which resulted in SKDC acquiring the old school playing fields. The school playing fields were owned & maintained as PUBLIC OPEN SPACE by SKDC. The transfer to SKDC was made subject to an ongoing  covenant not to build on the land & only to use it for RECREATIONAL PURPOSES.

In October 2015 an assessment by SKDC on land ownership and usage was carried out. It identified the ‘Old Blessed Hugh More School ‘and confirmed issues still related to its future use. It identified the constraints on the site. The Covenant was still in force. Access to the site was an issue &  a constraint. It was being used as Public Open Space and alteration to its use would be contrary to Policy EN1.

Many of the residents who purchased property in this area were told that a Legal Covenant was in place that confirmed the land was for Recreational Use only.  It now appears that SKDC may have covertly removed this covenant without warning any of the local residents involved. If this is correct it does bring into question some of SKDC legitimate manoeuvrings for the future of this site.

A proposal for a development behind Fifth Ave & Harrowby lane was refused by SKDC in 2018 and highlights many of the issues the local residents have raised regarding the Blessed Hugh More site.

http://moderngov.southkesteven.gov.uk/documents/s19513/6-PWM1-S17-0566.pdf?fbclid=IwAR36VAi0PM81vp3l9dtNLdfafXY6Qs0NaVSkzAN1ZhyoQSL88–Cp8WjxcQ

It is questionable why SKDC refused the Fifth Avenue development whilst they were planning to remove the legal covenant to allow building just over 400 yards away, with similar land issues?

The same issues remain regarding the water springs which  are a known issue in this area, it took 3 years to get something done on Chatsworth Ave when a spring appeared. It has been well documented that other local residents have had to install their own drainage system due to spring water & ground conditions.

Access will be via a single road built from Scotney Drive, an existing cul-de-sac. This will put many additional vehicles on the Scotney Drive/ Kenilworth Road Junction and the Kenilworth Road/Harrowby Lane Junction. Harrowby Lane already has many HGVs from the industrial site & further vehicles from this development will impact many others outside the proposed site

People trying to access the Doctors Surgery are already challenged by the volume of traffic. The area has Belmont School, Harrowby Infants & Springwell Academy all with young children facing additional traffic. The issues relating to Tesco’s parking are still an issue with the Doctors nearby.

The Playing fields support hedgehogs, frogs, newts, lots of birds & other wildlife. Irrespective of being a play area as well & official Public Open Space.

Therefore, SKDC appear to be less than Open, Honest & Transparent about this development.

The timing of the Public Consultation whilst the public are restricted on meeting to discuss?

The unknown issues relating to ‘where, when, how’ did the Covenant get removed on the site?

The refusal of the Fifth Ave development whilst this one was being planned?

All elements in the refusal of Fifth Ave Development by SKDC are mirrored in the Blessed High More Site so why are is this one  being proposed by SKDC?

Message of Solidarity from Fighting 4 Life Lincolnshire and Is Anyone Listening? Lincolnshire!

Urgent

Please join us in showing solidarity with our staff at Grantham Hospital!

We are holding a socially distant static protest (non-moving, non-marching protest) to show support to our hardworking staff tomorrow (Thursday 11th June) at 12.30pm!

Location:
On the green outside Grantham A&E.

Strict Rules:
Everyone MUST keep 2 Metres away from anyone not from their household!

Everyone MUST wear a mask!

These rules MUST be adhered to at all times!

Please share and spread the word!
#WeStandWithOurStaff

Elaine Chambers says…. Rector of St Wulfram’s Church, Fr Stuart, has made a video with an important announcement with regard to Pentecost Gift Day.   You can watch the video by clicking here.  Thank you to those of you who have generously responded to this appeal. For those of you who have not yet been able to respond please think and pray about how you can support your church during these difficult times please be assured of my prayers for you and please pray for me and the leadership of the church as we continue to share the love of God in the heart of Grantham.

Steve Hotchin says

This was left in the middle of the road on Wednesday just gone and a young lady was left struggling to move it to a safe place, been reported because it’s still left in a dangerous position. Harrowby Lane/Byron Ave area.

Anon says….

Local residents are seeing a massive increase in rubbish left at the Denton reservoir and having to go out on an evening to pick it up with their families. 

I have taken a few photos of the rubbish that was left on Tuesday 2nd June by a very large group of teenagers who had been told by police and local residents to socially distance and not to leave any rubbish yet litter including beer bottles, sun cream bottles and towels were left for the locals to clean up. 

I hope you can post this on the website and encourage people to take their rubbish with them when they leave. 

Gina Holly Farley says…

We have been painting rocks and hiding them all over Grantham for others to find whilst they are out and about but members of the group have noticed that the rocks are being taken by some people.

The most recent ones taken were based around the story of the hungry caterpillar as shown in the below photo.

These were removed from wyndam Park less than two hours after hiding them.

We would like to get the message out there that the painted rocks are to be found, photographed, posted to the relevant Facebook group which is written on the back of the rock and then rehidden for others to find and enjoy not to be taken home.

These rocks have helped many young people particularly those with anxiety over the last few weeks with the upheaval caused by lockdown.

This had given them something positive to do and look forward to.